I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
