guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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