There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
