Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize