I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
my poor anus
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
