bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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