This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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