Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
