what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
wow bdsm is so cute
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
