I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
