If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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