I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize