Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
my liver is dry heaving
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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