i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
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