The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
