I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
