i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
