now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
