these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
