i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
