is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
