So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
