Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
