nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
