I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
