his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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