I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
