Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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