Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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