Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
