This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
