I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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