Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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