You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Randomize
