Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
