Ketchup is God's man juice
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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