totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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