there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
