drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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