Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
