i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
