oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
