So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
