I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
