your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
