i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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