he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
