forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
