this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
