my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
