well I can't set my house on fire every night
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
