I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
