we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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