i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
