drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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