Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
