I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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