Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
