I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
