my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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