Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
