Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
