I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
