he wants to bone in the snuggie
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
