i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
How external is "for external use only"?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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