it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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