he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
