He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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