She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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