official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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