You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
