Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize