Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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