Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
where are you?
Hypothermia
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
