On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
