Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
