Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
