Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
What drink are we having for lunch?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
