is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
