y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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