i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
