do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
