My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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