I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
