uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
