We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
