Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
we're so committed to being not committed
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
