the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
