Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
