We're like a lot better than the average bears
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
