the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
