When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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