I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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