i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You left your phone here
Wait...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
