I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
