At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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