google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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