You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
