I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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