my room smells like sperm. sweet.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
