you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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