is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
