i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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