I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
