I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
