had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize