Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
