If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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