I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
